Well. Its been a long time since I’ve written anything, let alone anything on a public website. Many things have changed for me and our family, but some are still painfully the same.
First, the changes. We fulfilled our dream of having a second child, a beautiful, dark-haired, hazel-eyed wonder, Willow Pearl. She is now 2, and I think I’ve written in my journal a handful of times since she was born. She keeps me busy! But Willow is amazing, and its fine she takes up most of my time. She is funny, and silly and SO beautiful its ridiculous. She loves her sister and copies everything she does, she snuggles in our bed every night, and her favorite word is “toot.” She loves Elmo, Abby and Cookie Monster, the show “Word Party” and singing songs. Her funny faces and tiptoe-y run make me laugh!
So, back in 2016, after we moved from Campton, we made our way to Newport, where Tyler’s parents live. First, in a camper borrowed from my parents, which really would have made a hilarious story, in retrospect. At the time, I was a pregnant lady sharing 200 square ft with a dude, a 3 year old and a dog. But the campground was gorgeous, we lived cheaply, Josie was in daycare 3 days a week and loving it, and Tyler and I worked for his mom at the Antique Mall. I had great healthcare at Dartmouth-Hitchcock, and besides getting in a messy crash on the way to a visit in Maine, it was a great summer.
Then, after the campground closed, we moved into Tyler’s grandmothers house… with his grandmother…mom…and dad. At least we had a 3-story house to share. Would have made another hilarious story. It was challenging at times, but we really made the most of it, plus Josie spent a lot of time with her grandparents and great-grandmother, which is pretty special.
Then Willow was born! I stayed home with her while everyone left for the day, and it was nice to have everyone there at night to help out . Newport grew on me, especially our living situation (Tyler’s parents eventually moved out, and then GiGi too), but we knew it couldn’t last forever. By the time Josie was ready to start kindergarten, we needed to move out of the house. It was so very stressful, but we eventually found a house to rent in Stonington, Maine so we ended up moving, again….
So here we are! Its 2019 and we’ve lived back on the island for 6 months. Tyler works full-time for a contractor, Josie is 6 years old and in kindergarten, Willow goes to daycare once a week and I do… not sure what I do right now. I guess still stay at home with the kids, but not really by choice. I’ve had a few job interviews at local places but haven’t landed anything yet. I guess I forgot how difficult it would be to pay rent, pay for childcare AND find a job here, especially in the middle of winter.
So yes, if you must know, I’ve been struggling. Big time. Which is bullshit, because I have spent a lot of my life struggling. Whether its what to major in school, where to live, or trying to find a decent job its like I’m being put through a test, to see what I don’t know. But its exhausting and depressing, and I’ve been feeling so terrible lately – using words to describe myself I would never to say to anyone else, thinking everyones better without me, wanting to disappear.
But then somedays I’m full of creative ideas, and think of these amazing experiences I want for myself and my kids, and full of life goals, and feeling good! Then BAM! Shitty. It’s a rollercoaster I don’t want to be on anymore, but I’m not quite sure how to get off this dumb ride. I used to think working outside of the house would do it, but its been so long I don’t know anymore! Frustrating, to say the least.
Anyway, thats the update. I’ve been thinking of restarting this blog, but not sure of what theme I’d like to take it. Parenting, family, living in Maine, depression and/or ways NOT to be depressed, diabetes…. all fun things to write about it. I’ll ponder it some more. In the meantime, hopefully I’ll be back before another 3 years passes by.
Peace. -Erin
Wonder Drive 