Return of the writer…

Well. Its been a long time since I’ve written anything, let alone anything on a public website. Many things have changed for me and our family, but some are still painfully the same.

First, the changes. We fulfilled our dream of having a second child, a beautiful, dark-haired, hazel-eyed wonder, Willow Pearl. She is now 2, and I think I’ve written in my journal a handful of times since she was born. She keeps me busy! But Willow is amazing, and its fine she takes up most of my time. She is funny, and silly and SO beautiful its ridiculous. She loves her sister and copies everything she does, she snuggles in our bed every night, and her favorite word is “toot.” She loves Elmo, Abby and Cookie Monster, the show “Word Party” and singing songs. Her funny faces and tiptoe-y run make me laugh!

So, back in 2016, after we moved from Campton, we made our way to Newport, where Tyler’s parents live. First, in a camper borrowed from my parents, which really would have made a hilarious story, in retrospect. At the time, I was a pregnant lady sharing 200 square ft with a dude, a 3 year old and a dog. But the campground was gorgeous, we lived cheaply, Josie was in daycare 3 days a week and loving it, and Tyler and I worked for his mom at the Antique Mall. I had great healthcare at Dartmouth-Hitchcock, and besides getting in a messy crash on the way to a visit in Maine, it was a great summer.

Then, after the campground closed, we moved into Tyler’s grandmothers house… with his grandmother…mom…and dad. At least we had a 3-story house to share. Would have made another hilarious story. It was challenging at times, but we really made the most of it, plus Josie spent a lot of time with her grandparents and great-grandmother, which is pretty special.

Then Willow was born! I stayed home with her while everyone left for the day, and it was nice to have everyone there at night to help out . Newport grew on me, especially our living situation (Tyler’s parents eventually moved out, and then GiGi too), but we knew it couldn’t last forever. By the time Josie was ready to start kindergarten, we needed to move out of the house. It was so very stressful, but we eventually found a house to rent in Stonington, Maine so we ended up moving, again….

So here we are! Its 2019 and we’ve lived back on the island for 6 months. Tyler works full-time for a contractor, Josie is 6 years old and in kindergarten, Willow goes to daycare once a week and I do… not sure what I do right now. I guess still stay at home with the kids, but not really by choice. I’ve had a few job interviews at local places but haven’t landed anything yet. I guess I forgot how difficult it would be to pay rent, pay for childcare AND find a job here, especially in the middle of winter.

So yes, if you must know, I’ve been struggling. Big time. Which is bullshit, because I have spent a lot of my life struggling. Whether its what to major in school, where to live, or trying to find a decent job its like I’m being put through a test, to see what I don’t know. But its exhausting and depressing, and I’ve been feeling so terrible lately – using words to describe myself I would never to say to anyone else, thinking everyones better without me, wanting to disappear.

But then somedays I’m full of creative ideas, and think of these amazing experiences I want for myself and my kids, and full of life goals, and feeling good! Then BAM! Shitty. It’s a rollercoaster I don’t want to be on anymore, but I’m not quite sure how to get off this dumb ride. I used to think working outside of the house would do it, but its been so long I don’t know anymore! Frustrating, to say the least.

Anyway, thats the update. I’ve been thinking of restarting this blog, but not sure of what theme I’d like to take it. Parenting, family, living in Maine, depression and/or ways NOT to be depressed, diabetes…. all fun things to write about it. I’ll ponder it some more. In the meantime, hopefully I’ll be back before another 3 years passes by.

Peace. -Erin

Deer Isle, An Almost Perfect Winter Getaway

Come February in Maine, people start praying for sun and signs of spring. Those fortunate enough actually get to escape the wintry north for  a week or more to head to the warmer climates of the South or West (and then post pictures on Facebook). But then there’s those poor bastards who get left behind, who grumble about the 5 feet of snow on our doorsteps, shovel our cars out for what seems like the thousandth time, all the while muttering “I’m so over this!”

And while I too wish for warmer weather, I chose instead to spend my winter vacation further north, headfirst into the storm, to the small island of Deer Isle. About 3 hours north of Portland and an hour south of Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park, Deer Isle is connected to the mainland by a big scary bridge  and the town all but shuts down in the winter. Perfect for spending a long weekend, and here are my reasons why:

1. 80’s DJ Night at Marlintini’s. Deer Isle has only one real bar (actually located in Stonington) which is only open during the summer season, so during the  winter islanders are forced to drive 2 towns away to the nearest bar. The joy in this is that by going to bar in another town, no one knows who you are most of the time. And if you’re like me and hardly ever frequent bars anymore, you lose all inhibition before you even have a drink, therefore you can dance like you just don’t care and showcase some of your best mom dance moves. Also, $2 PBRs.

2. Staying with parents. Say what you will, but I love going to stay with my folks. It’s free, there’s unlimited food, I don’t have to do my own laundry and they love to watch my kid, leaving me to feel like the teenager I once was when I lived with them. For 30 to 60 minutes anyway, until child wants her mommy again.

3. Peace and quiet. For an island, Deer Isle is pretty large acreage-wise, so there are a lot of woods and countless trails to explore, either with snowmobiles, skis or snowshoes (I prefer the latter.) When the only noise I hear are birds singing and my own labored breathing, I’m liking it.  

4. Snowmobiling. As mentioned above, lots of trails to ride on. However, since it was only my second time ever maneuvering one of these things, I stuck to laps around the field behind said parents house. 30 mph is really exhilarating! (And so is getting stuck. Whoops.)

5. Breakfast at the Diner. Though it didn’t happen this time around, the Diner is the place to have breakfast, especially on a Sunday morning. The food itself isn’t outstanding, but its the only restaurant open year-round and you’re guaranteed to see someone you know, making it a nice social gathering spot. And on a weekday in the middle of winter, there’s no wait for tables so you and your company are free to sit and have coffee for 2 hours. Plus your kid can run around and everyone will think its cute.

6. The ocean views. Enough said. 

7. Very, very quiet downtown. Deer Isle-Stonington is a tourist destination, so in the summer main street Stonington turns into a one-way street, only with traffic in either direction and parking on two sides of the street and people (tourists) cluelessly walking in the middle of road. It’s quite the mess to navigate. So in the off-season, it’s nice to drive leisurely through town without feeling like you need to flip someone off or the fear you might run someone over.

8. Bumpy roads= good gas mileage. Okay, I’m not sure if frost heaves every 50 feet will help increase gas mileage, but it does make you slow way down (if not, you may end up leaving half your undercarriage laying in the road.) And its fun to say “Wheee!” with every bump to entertain your toddler in the backseat.

9. $3 gym sessions. No kidding, $3 a day to work out (or better yet, $35 a month for a membership.) On the days when its -10 with the wind chill and you just cant bear to suit up for a brisk run outside, there’s nothing better than breaking a sweat on a treadmill while watching cheesy Hallmark channel movies starring Cameron Diaz.

10. It’s pretty. Even with all the snow and ice and frozen everything, with the bitter cold and colder ocean breezes, Deer Isle is pretty. In fact, all of Maine is pretty and the perfect place for a vacation, summer or winter.

 

I’ve spent a lot of time wishing I were anywhere but Maine (as I’m sure some people feel about their home state as well), but in my olden age of the late 20s, I’m starting to come around. And I think you should too! Because Maine is The Way Life Should Be (just look at our Welcome signs.)

Valentine’s Day Visions

Happy Valentine’s Day weekend from Maine! It’s snowing (actually blizzarding is the correct term) yet again, surprise, surprise so we’ve been stuck inside for the majority of the weekend. Which leaves lots of time for entertaining a toddler and pondering the near future. Fun!

But first, in toddler news, Friday was Josie’s last day of daycare. Bittersweet of course, but she ended on a high note: she had a face full of boogers and had been up since 5 am (cold season is just lovely) but the school was having a Valentine’s party so she wore hearts and a tutu and looked super cute. Plus she came home with a bunch of sweet cards and snacks (to share with Mommy I assumed.)

To celebrate my last day of me-time, I took the dog for an absolutely frigid walk on the beach and moped around for the rest of day. I was feeling sad for Josie, not for myself, to be done with daycare. I know she benefitted from it, but at least now I know that she can handle school and days without Mom just fine. She is such an independent little… person. It blows my mind sometimes. Anyway, I’m looking forward to round 2 of Mommy & Child time and have lots of plans for us. It would just be helpful if the snow melted before, oh… July.

So we’ve made some changes to our Wonder Drive vision. Instead of spending the summer (and our savings) tooling around the country, we’re taking a more sustainable approach and working to get a web series Tyler and a mutual friend started a few years back off the ground and running. If it’s successful (which I have no doubt it will be), traveling will be part of the job, plus we’ll be making an income while we do it, which is key. It’s very exciting, but of course, this could take some time and a lot, lot, lot of hard work. I’m not intimidated by that, as it coincides with my vision of working from home, being self-employed (eventually) and homeschooling my little babies (when the time comes!)

What does intimidate me, or rather what I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around, is whats happening with our Wonder Drive idea. I don’t want to say we’re doing the web series instead of our trip, because we’ve been discussing how to do both possibly, from maybe just doing little micro-adventures throughout the summer or waiting until later in the year. The details and logistics trying to achieve both are messy and convoluted and makes my head hurt.

All I do know is that Wonder Drive is a dream of ours I’m not willing to let go. It may be rash and irresponsible and silly to drive and camp across the country with a little kid and live off savings. But it’s not silly at all to make a dream a reality; if we wait for the perfect time, or even a better time, we may not end up doing it at all. I’ve pushed many a dream of mine to the back-burner because I thought I didn’t have enough money, or I worried about the details, or didn’t have the confidence, or worried about what other people thought, or just life got in the way. There’s a million excuses out there why NOT to live a dream; but all it takes is one reason WHY you should or just one person believing in you to make it happen.

I believe if you have that nagging feeling, that gut instinct, the little voice saying go for it, you have to listen and just give in to it. I’ve learned that by not following your intuition, bad feelings are created and they’re hard to get rid of. Makes sense on paper right? But following your instincts can be a hard practice when there’s a million external voices and reasons telling you otherwise, plus the ol’ voice of reason in our own heads. I go back and forth with my decisions all the time, but I can’t shake the feeling that I really just want to live the life I envision and stop waiting for it. I want to play a larger role in my own life, live deliberately and have fun doing it!

Maybe creating the web series is the vehicle for traveling across the country; maybe we should just go for it and forget the rest for a little while. Maybe we should just go live in a yurt in the woods and become hermits and kill our own food and raise our child among the wild. (Actually, now that I’m thinking about it…) What I’m getting at is that choosing a fork in the road is scary and hard, but its better than not doing anything at all, or doing something that doesn’t feel right.

To quote Emilio Estevez’s character in the film The Way:

You don’t choose a life. You live a life.

Spring Beach Hiking: A Warm Thought For A Cold Day

Authors Note: Back in April of last year I started what I called a ‘Wilderness Therapy’ journal, meant to document and inspire fun outside adventures with my child. The idea sort of got lost in the shuffle of summer; we did have a few adventures but they didn’t get written about. But now with creating this blog this winter, I’ve reignited the intention to write about adventures with my family. So with yet another snow day here in Maine , I’m going to take a trip down memory lane to spring of last year and blog an original entry in the journal… and think happy warm, spring thoughts. 

Ferry Beach State Park, April 21

It’s only 3 miles away and a 5-minute drive, but Ferry Beach kind of has it all: a paved mile-long road free of traffic, a mile of trails winding through the forest, a pond, and a long stretch of beach continuing in either direction. Spring is an ideal time to go because there’s hardly anyone there, minus the elderly people power walking and the lone Park Ranger.

With Josie in the Ergo and Beasley on a long leash, we set off walking the park road. Of course, B chooses to do her business as a crowd of four people are there to witness. Classy. Josie doesn’t sleep because she wants to watch Beasley prance. [Chances are, I was taking a walk trying to get the baby to nap. Very typical in those days.]

Oh, sand and sun… Soaking it in with Beasley and baby (not pictured.)

The beach is deserted. We walk north (I’m guessing but it seems right) towards Bay View beach on the low tide sand. Waves crash (as much as they can at low tide), gulls squawk…it’s lovely. But then we turn around to walk back and the wind barrels in to my face. Josie buries her face in my chest and somehow (finally) falls asleep. I’m thankful to see the park fence again!

We head to the trail system. For being pretty close to the road, the Park actually feels enveloping. The trail is completely  flat but its a mix of gravel, boardwalk, and bridges, and it passes through clusters of differing species of trees. We the pass the Ranger on her bike, and she wears glasses, which I think is cool. [I also am be-spectacled.]

We run into a couple of dogs on the trail and I have to yank on B’s leash, which wakes the babe up. I then feel a whole lot of warmth on my abdomen and realize Josie has peed on me, through her own clothes and onto my sweater. Luckily we’re not far from the car. A good hike had by all!

Maine Winter Magic

I finally got my snowshoes out of hibernation to enjoy the 6 inches of fluffy fresh powder. Hiking with B at Ferry Beach State Park.

Hitting the Sylvan Trail on a frigid -7 degree morning.

Though we live in the fairly flat area of southern Maine, the Saco Bay Trails group maintain “a permanent network of easily accessible, well-maintained, well-marked and well-known trails through the Saco Bay Area that are used by a wide range of people with a broad range of abilities.” http://www.sacobaytrails.org

My furry friend waiting for treats. Who knew a Georgia peach could be such a snow bunny?

And last but not least, my little person enjoying the fluffy white stuff.

Trip Planning & Curve Learning

Amid the more than 27″ inches of snow we’ve been blessed with this week (ah, winter finally!), significant other and I have been elbows deep in trip planning, finances, and still for me, job seeking. Not too thrilling for the outside world, but for us, it is so exciting because it feels like we’re really moving forward.

Speaking of moving forward, the YMCA has been having a 2-week trial of free facilities, so while the rest of the world is caught in a swirling mess of snow, rain and wind, I have been luxuriously swimming laps in a 81-degree pool. (And by laps I mean swimming to one end, resting, then dog-paddling to the other end. I’m no fish but I love the water!) I envision swimming in oceans just as warm, frolicking on beaches with Josie and paddle-boarding the day away. With a few hours dedicated to work, of course. The more I see it, the more I believe it, and the more I want it! Of course, our trip will be across the United States with more hiking in forests than swimming in bath-water oceans, but you’ve got to let your mind go to that place when it’s in the single digits here in Maine.

Since the idea of our Wonder Drive sprouted, we’ve been doing a lot of research of families who have also hit the road, either for short or long periods of time. One site we’ve come across is Discover. Share. Inspire., a sort of how-to site dedicated to families who travel, specifically financing travel and what they call ‘world-schooling’ their 6 children. Our biggest obstacle yet in trip planning has been obviously how to fund it and this website is a great resource. It’s got us really thinking about what we can do, what we can learn and doing the nitty-gritty legwork like working on our budget (which in a weird way is kind of fun.) What better way to spend a cold winter day!

We just got our brand-spankin’-new Nat Geo Adventure Atlas today in the mail and I’ve also been strolling down memory lane looking at photographs I took while driving across the country in 2009 and ’10 (soon to be on the Prints page), so it’s easy to find the sunny brightness in all this cold weather. But ’tis the weekend and I fully intend to embrace the Maine winter: play in the snow with my toddler, dye some snowmen molds (Josie says thanks Auntie for the birthday gift!) and make snow ice cream with sprinkles. And then maybe hit the pool.