I think the winter doldrums are starting to rear their ugly heads. Up here in the Northeast we have just been pounded with snow, with more on the way. Normally I wouldn’t mind the snow so much (snowmen! sledding! snowshoeing!) but it has just been so damn COLD that I haven’t even enjoyed it, or had the urge to go out and get some exercise. Out of sheer necessity to get out of the house, I’ve managed to get the babe and dog out in the yard for some fresh air but for no more than an hour, lest Josie get frostbite on her little extremities.
What’s really eating at me though (and I’m using the weather as a cover-up), is that Josie is in her fifth week of daycare and I’m already thinking of taking her out, not because she’s not enjoying it, but because of the expense. I hadn’t anticipated it would take this long to land a part-time gig, and the longer its taking, the more discouraged I’m getting. True, I do enjoy some alone time but at what cost? I’m not even sure what I could make part-time would cover the cost of her being in daycare 3 days a week. It may be a totally selfish thought, and the mother’s guilt is kicking in big time, but I have the nagging idea that if she were to stay home full-time again I wouldn’t have to be looking for these bullshit, temporary jobs and my stress level would go way down. Or at least we’d be saving some money.
What I have found in my endless job seeking and extended time on my hands, is that working online is a totally viable option. I started this blog as an outlet to write but have since discovered that I could actually be paid to write blogs, either my own or for others. Or if not that, there are a million ways to make money online. Maybe not earning a whole lot, but who cares? If I can be semi self-employed, work from home, or better yet, work from ANYWHERE, I’m in. Seriously, sign me up somewhere.
I guess I hadn’t really expected that finding a paying job after being out of the workforce for two years would be so difficult. I’m not sure if it’s the type of work I’m going for, the time of year, or my gap in unemployment, but man oh man. It’s hard. It’s easy to get pissed that stay-at-home parents don’t get the credit (or pay, honestly) to stay home and do the hardest job they’ll ever experience. But I try not to dwell on this too much. I know I’ve been sounding a tad negative, but I do know that the most important thing is my child and that in the end, this will all be worth it. Snuggling with Josie in bed this morning, listening to her giggle as we played, seeing her run into a room full of kids at daycare (probably so grateful to be out of the house!) my heart literally swells with love and whatever stress I’m experiencing just poofs away for a moment.
So maybe I should just suck it up, get a job, accept we’ll be losing a bit of money and let her enjoy and learn from her brief time in daycare. Or maybe not, I still don’t know. I wish I could end on a decisive note, but that would just not be my style. So I shall end with a quote instead by Cynthia Rylant, author of the lovely children’s book All In A Day:
” Underneath that great big sky the earth is all a-spin. This day will soon be over and it won’t come back again.”
Wonder Drive 